september 23rd, 2018.
It's almost October.
Just writing it feels surreal. It feels as if school has barely started, but here we are. I've been pondering the concept of love a lot more recently. Human attraction is one thing, sure, but how has love come to be? We're a sociable kind, humans, even though now it feels as if the phones in our hands can be more desirable than light conversation. Life is heavier now, heavier as I grow up, heavier as fall approaches and drapes jackets over our shivering shoulders. Love can hold so much weight, but some say that being in love is like floating.
One thing I've noticed throughout my research is that nothing is certain. I guess you could say Romeo and Juliet started it all (love beyond boundaries) but it falls in an erratic pattern: humans feel unpredictable and they feel unpredictably. I've been watching lots of documentaries lately about love and attraction, such as "True Love" by Lauren Slater (on National Geographic) and Hot Girls Wanted by Jill Bauer and Ronna Gradus. It's amazing how one topic can be so vague and so detailed. The science, the chemical reactions, they're understandable, but the portrayal? I'm stuck replaying clips over and over, trying to understand the little gestures and interactions. The math can be proven, but the art is debatable. In pieces like the latter, the attraction is personalized to the point where desires can be fulfilled with ones and zeroes and the press of a button.
I had a conversation with Melissa Gergen (one of the advisors of EMC) a couple of days ago concerning this project. She asked me what I was planning for my final, and we discussed pros and cons. There's one thing she said that keeps its own tab running in the back of my head: this will never be over. She's absolutely correct. I will never be over this search. Every new website I find fuels my fervor for finding more, so on and so forth. My brain feels like a film reel, running and running and running until it reaches its end. I'm not sure where that end is yet, but we'll find out.
I'll be making a documentary for my final. Hope to see you there.
september 9th, 2018.
I'm sitting in my newly-cleaned room in my mom's house tonight at a desk that I haven't seen in years. This may seem normal to most. To me, it's a new beginning. The EMC August round table is behind me, and a meeting this Tuesday awaits. Here, in my own room with my own door, time stands still. (The clock strikes midnight as I type that exact sentence. Fitting.)
I'm a junior this year. There's a lot on my plate, and I'm aware that the stakes have never been higher. College is soon approaching, and my precalc test is even sooner. A lot of people told me that taking on one extra thing would push me over the edge. Is the cliff made of insanity or intelligence? I'm not quite sure. What I do know now is that I'm excited. EMC is a leap for me. I'm approaching a topic I have zero knowledge or experience in and trying to make sense of it. Harvard students have analyzed love and human attraction, and they came to conclusions that left me wanting more. Bernie Bott, one of the wonderful advisors for EMC, said something that struck me. There's five Cs to free-based learning, four of which I'll try to remember to cover in another entry. The C I want to focus on currently is critical thinking. How can I ask questions in such a way that makes them approachable and compelling? How do I move past that and find answers to my questions, and then questions to my answers? Will I spiral into an endless whirlpool of self-doubt and suspicion of the world as I know it in the process? Is there a science to attraction?
I guess we'll find out.
